Been Away too Long

I think that may be the longest hiatus I have ever taken in my life, with the exception of that 19 year hiatus I have taken from participating in any sort of physical activity.

I thought I would come back to blogging since although I don’t miss resizing photos and desperately trying to get my shoes in my outfit posts without it looking like someone’s removed my knee caps or I have a severely bent spine, I do miss the community blogging brings and the often overwhelming idea that someone out there actually wants to hear what I have to say or look at photos of me looking miserable- seriously did I ever smile in 2012?- in the above positions.

With that I shall give you a short summary of what has been happening in the world of Jess since September:

I have moved house yet again, this time into a house with more than two rooms (shocker) where the ceiling stays up and there is equipment of the clothes washing kind and a magical modern commodity that keeps your food cold (I know, mad) I absolutely love my new house and can’t help but feel human after living in what basically ended up being a leaky crack den after a couple of months. I honestly can’t even explain to you all how different this place is, and how much happier I am. I wake up every morning and even after being here a month I still can’t quite believe my luck. Plus my landlords are fabulous!

Me and George are still together, I won’t divulge too much on the subject as I know he gets pissed off when I broadcast details of him/us to the internet. He’s one of those strange sorts that actually have more of a life offline. So all I am going to say is that I’ve never been happier, and cliché aside, he genuinely is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. (If you follow me on twitter, you basically get a running commentary of how much he makes me smile). After an insane couple of months in which there was far too much alcohol, substances and tears which I am more than glad to turn my back on, I can finally recognise myself again. I can say now that I have never felt more whole than I have done in the past 5 weeks than I have in my life. (This may or may not have something to do with the fact I can now buy cheese).

Unfortunately I had to sell my camera (along with everything else worth anything) a couple of months ago during one of those fabulous periods where you can’t afford food, but Vodafone (made the arguable mistake) of giving me a phone contract so that’ll do. I don’t really plan on just filling my blog with pictures of me looking like someone’s shat in my pocket any longer anyway because that’s just not interesting.

Can’t really think of much else to share, except that I am still poor, but that’s half the fun.

NOW LISTENING: Is It Really So Strange?- The Smiths/Louder Than Bombs

Use Once & Destroy

^^^Most flattering and Vogue-worthy facial expression the world has ever seen.

So I thought I would make a video as continuing on from what I said yesterday, I am feeling slightly deflated and underwhelmed by my blog and its lack of variety. I didn't think making a video would be that difficult though; for some reason I just seem to melt into some sort of stuttering flaccid mess whenever the record button is pushed and I am the subject. I bollocked it up at least 8 times and as a Youtube virgin (almost, if you're that interested there is a blonde me and my long haired brother with our culinary delights three years ago) it is a complete disaster. Might have to have a couple of shots of the ol'vodka next time for some courage...

If you follow me on twitter you'll know that today hasn't been my best. The Kyle has been a bit of a dick, to put it politely, and all we've done all day is bicker. Ah, to go back to the days where we lived 90 miles away from each other and only spent romantic weekends together (i.e. occasionally leave the house/show mutual affection for each other)...Men and women shouldn't live with each other, and if they do, they should have separate bedrooms so that the man can eat as many tuna/prawn sandwiches/leave as many half-drank beer bottles fermenting for as long as he likes in his personal room instead, rather than making the poor woman suffer and then get in a mood with her and accuse her of being a moaning, nagging lunatic when she finally cannot take the stench of decomposing fish and yeast any longer and ask you to take the offending objects down the stairs. Obviously I am not talking about me here, it's just a general view. Fucking men...

Let me know if videos are something you would like to see more of and I hope you're all having a lovely night (in your non-fish smelling bedrooms). Byeee!

Lucky Lisp

Dress: £1, Ebay, Belt: £1.50-£2.00, Primark, Necklace: 99p, Market Shop in Liverpool, Tights: £2.50, Boyes

Bonjour my little beauties. I am having an organizing day today, trying to make sense of my mountains of paper! So I have the wood burner going, and an endless supply of coffee.

I've decided I want to loose 10lbs and join a gym; I have had major issues with eating and body image throughout my life, and this year I have done so well in letting some of my old habits go. I am still struggling, but I can honestly say that I have come such a long way and I am proud of myself. I can assure you all, shifting these extra few pounds will be done completely safely. The reason I want to join the gym again is because I feel ready to; I had to stop going because I was quite seriously ill and exercising yourself half to death everyday and not eating is not a great combination. I trust myself to practice moderation! It sounds ridiculous but this year I have finally been able to look in the mirror and not be in agony over what I see- I still have my insecurities of course, but I am starting to accept myself a little more, and I feel healthier in myself for it. Anyway, I don't want to go too much into it, because unfortunately Eating Disorders have become a horribly taboo subject (thanks, mass-media...), and are widely misunderstood, plus this blog isn't about that! I just thought I'd tell you all how much better in myself I am feeling. (See, I can do optimism, even if it is severely awkward...) .

I've got a few things I would like to do when I (eventually, if ever) get my money through. For example, try and make some shorts, and make some Christmas cards. I really can't believe it's almost Christmas- every time I see a Christmas advert or anything Christmassy, I am just like "What? Already?" This year has gone so fast. I will not be sorry to say goodbye to it. Plus it's mine and my twin brother's 18th 13 days after Christmas, and it's the first birthday I have looked forward to in absolutely years (my birthdays are laughably shit, always).

Well, I have a bagel (revived obsession) in the toaster, and my stomach is turning on itself, and so I shall say goodbye for now.

Loveeee

Nice Day for a Sulk

Jumper: H&M £6.99, Blouse: Vintage Market, £6.00, Leggings: £3.00, Primark, Necklace: 99p, Market Shop in Liverpool

Why hello there. So it is bonfire night, and, as a British citizen, I am excited. The fireworks at Harrogate didn’t disappoint, and I was there, with my head strained, gazing up at the display with my mouth gaping (I didn’t, however, feel the need, like many people there, to go “Oooh” and “Ahhh” at each bang. Nor did I feel it necessary to shout “Oh yes! Yes!”, as the lady next to me did the whole way through, sounding like she was getting some strange erotic thrill. You need to get laid love).

However much I love fireworks, I do have some reservations about them. First of all, what we are actually celebrating is grotesquely patriotic; I mean, in principle, we’re all joyously commemorating the failure of a potentially revolutionary event- although it was for religious reasons that Guy Fawkes and his accomplices plotted to blow up the Houses of Parliament, he was at least trying to do what he thought right, and so by celebrating the failure of the Gunpowder Plot and burning dolls in his resemblance is actually us, without necessarily realising, saying “anyone who wants to start a revolution, fuck off or you’ll end up here”. Yes, yes, it might be a little extreme, but in the current climate- what with the protest movement and the Medias excessive demonising of the people occupying St. Pauls etc. it is quite sickening to see a whole nation having peas and pies and holding up their glasses to someone who died as an accidental Martyr to revolution (I like revolutions. There is nothing better than a good, hard proletariat revolution).

Another reason I don’t like bonfire night is because I completely and utterly disagree with the selling of fireworks to the public. I don’t care what anybody says- a few thousand families enjoying fireworks in their back gardens is not a justification for the gruesome and shocking amount of injuries that take place every year because of people using them irresponsibly. Growing up where I did, I knew of many people who ended up without eyes and with serious burns because of misuse of fireworks by absolute fucking idiots who somehow think it amusing to throw them at people/post them through letterboxes etc. every year I dreaded me, a friend, or a family member being the victim to one of these horrendous attacks. It’s just not worth it, and I really don’t know why the Government hasn’t put a stop to it. Unfortunately, yes, it is the minority ruining it for the majority, but it’s not worth the suffering, pain, panic and cost to lives and our NHS. There are plenty of amazing, and completely free, council-run firework displays that people can go to instead.

Anyway, as I was saying before I went on a rant, tonight we went to Harrogate and watched the fireworks there. We did the same last year, except Kyle came with us and I was wearing my PJs (you can take the girl out of Liverpool... you know the rest). This year my friends April and Phil, who are newly engaged (congratulations again!) came, and I got to see her beautiful ring, and new couple, Sam and Sammi. We’re all really close friends so it was really nice. Becca, Vicky, April and me were getting rather jealous of Sam and Sammi though- they wouldn’t let go of each other! Oh, those first few months of a relationship (you know, before you get to see more of each others underwear when you're putting the washing on than any other time!...). We then went back to Ilkley and had some food in Wetherspoons, which was nice. So all in all, a really nice day.

I had a good day yesterday as well; my History tutor (finally) marked my essays, and kept me behind and told me how impressed he was with my work (modest, I know). All of his comments were really positive and encouraging. Jade and me think he has a girlfriend, he was in unusually high spirits. English was actually productive as well, when I managed to sway the class from talking about Katie Price and other irrelevant points of utter bullshit and get back on Jane Eyre...

I was going to go and see Belle and Sebastian tomorrow with Kyle, and I was really excited, but in the end I am really glad I didn't buy the tickets as the website I was on conveniently failed to mention the fact that it wasn't Belle and Sebastian at all but one of the singers that had gone solo! He might be good solo, but it's just not Belle and Sebastian.

Anyway, Mr. Hamilton should be arriving back from work very soon, so I should probably wrap this up before he gets back (and before you decide to hack off my fingers in order to shut me up). Again, one day soon I will actually write about the clothes... Hope everyone has had a lovely, safe bonfire night!

As always, lots of loveeeee

Pace is the Trick.

So this is another little update full of promises and progress for all you beautiful people. I finally went pink again! (separate post on how I did this and review on the products used to follow). It took a whole day to do and a lot of bleach but my hair is actually still (still suggests that my hair was previously in a good condition, but this isn't the case) in good condition (so it's not falling out- good sign). I keep looking in the mirror and being startled by the pink blob that is my head, but other than it being a bit patchy and staining everything it comes into direct contact with (and me), I love it.

I have bought my camera! Finally, you say? I agree. It is this one. It says it was £79.95 but I pointed out to the John Lewis man that it said on the site that the red one was £73.50 and the black was the higher price (on the shelf it was the reverse) and he said it must just be the website and that the black is cheaper, but when he scanned it through, it turns out I was right and so, like a good retail worker (we all know how to be one of those) he lowered the price for me (score). I have obviously been taking pictures of everything since I bought it and my family are being consistently blinded by the flash of the camera in their face and so far I am rather impressed. I bought it from John Lewis instead of a cheaper shop such as Argos because the last camera I had (RIP) was around £100 from Argos (it was a Lumix model) and obviously it being Argos, there was no one who could explain it's features and I couldn't see a working model. Now this camera comes with a free 2 year guarantee, whereas my old camera didn't come with any, and Argos wanted to charge me £35 for one, which I refused (and it broke within a year). So that's why I went out of my comfort zone and went into a department store that makes the eyes pop out of my purse.

Anyway, I have to go to Home Bargains (my second home) and investigate their largest suitcase. Coming here I had overpacked so much (I will tell you the shameful truth now- I was still drunk from the night before when I packed. I know, I know, awful) that I couldn't even lift my case onto the train and had to wait for kind strangers muscly arms to help me. It gets worse, since I have been here I have done a lot of shopping (both in actual shops and in the remnants of clothes I have left in my Mum's) and so I can't actually fit even half my things in the suitcase I have brought with me. It's really shameful and it makes me feel a little ill that I have to spend more money to fit it all in. I also have to buy a camera case, because otherwise it will be in a state by the end of the week. It's now 10 past 4 and I've been meaning to go since 9am! Hence the awfully rushed post.


So must dash, and expect many posts avec (check me out with my French skillz)pictures to follow. Love.

LISTENING TO: Our Love to Admire- Interpol

Greetings from Devon.

Just to let you all know, I am currently on my holidays in Westward Ho! on the North Coast of Devon. I sincerly apologise for my near abandoment of my blog and I returning to Liverpool tomorrow (10 hour journey through the rioting cities of Bristol, Birmingham and Liverpool= an extremely terrified blogger) where I will be staying for as long as I can hold my sanity together (I am missing Kyle a pathetic amount). I have purchased quite a lot (of pretty things) so I will be showing y'all them, doing some reviews and purchasing a camera (finally). So basically, when I return to sunny Yorkshire I will be blogging a lot (hi, I'm Jess and I am unemployed and nervously waiting for college to start, so I have too much free time and a blog to fill). Kyle and me are also going to be moving house when I come back and I am, not so much excited as I am relieved, so I might post some cheeky pics of that as well. To summarize, this will no longer be a ghost town of a blog! And it won't be so shit when I get back. If not, you can all rip me to pieces. Love.

WARNING: Word-heavy and a bit all-over-the-place. An Update.

Firstly, I have to thank all of those who have visited my lil’blog, and even though I only have a few followers, knowing that people are actually taking the time to read it means more than you could know. I find myself quite pathetically over-joyed that people are taking an interest.
I have to apologise in advance to all those who prefer pictures to words. I am a great lover of the latter. Due to this blog being fairly new (or maybe it’s just shit; it’s up to you), I have very little followers, and so I haven’t really mastered the technique of determining the difference between what I want to write, and what you want to read. The problem is, I am not an aspiring blogger, I am hopeful writer. But I suppose, if all the words you wanted came in the form of a small caption, you would be on Tumblr (and certainly not on my blog ahaha).

No matter how personally reserved and unbiased you try and be, a blog is essentially always going to be an echo of the blogger themselves, and this one is no different. My intention isn’t to gain thousands of followers and be presented with sponsors and masses of free gifts and clothes (although that would be rather lovely), it is simply a place to put my thoughts. There is no need to worry though- I won’t be posting about every time I need a wee or I’ve cut myself shaving. They’ll be as well filtered and relevant as I can make possible (which, as you can already see, isn’t going down well). I find I am more comfortable and uncomplicated when I write as if it is only to myself, so I do apologise to anybody who finds this blog goes somehow a little off-topic. I think ‘fashion’ blog is much too vague of a title.



Anyway, enough of that all that, I have some news; quite a lot of it, in fact. As I have previously mentioned, I have recently quit my job. Now, it was a decision that wasn’t easy to make, and when I got home from my last shift on Sunday I spent a good few hours of going between “fuck, what have I done” and “I have made the right decision”. But it was the right thing to do. So I am now unemployed, and if you could all give me a few quid a week, I could make this blog my profession, and we can all be happy. No, seriously now, I am feeling a little lost without it, but I’m sure it’ll pass.

Next! (I have so much to tell, my head is spilling with things to say and so it’s all just coming out in one terrible smack of the keys). The reason I have quit is because I am going home! Yes, Liverpool, I am returning to you. I am bizarrely nervous. In the last 4 months I have only been home, perhaps Four times, for no longer than two days, and those two days have been shifting between friends and family constantly with no time to entertain but a thought. I feel so disconnected to the person I was when I left; I am disturbingly different, and yet it as though back home everything has been motionless. This why I am pretty terrified- my family and friends haven’t had a chance to adapt to how I have altered. They’ll all be expecting the return of the girl who left, when she no longer exists. I no longer know how to be myself. That’s the untainted truth: I am petrified of going home, because I’m not sure who I am, or who I want to be.

So, not to get emotional or too caught up in creating a self-fashioned physiological profile, I will divulge mine and Kyle’s flawless and previously undisclosed, well guarded plan, aka. A seriously chaotic series of snippets from attempted conversations we’ve had about what the f*ck we’re actually doing. Basically, I am going home for a month, to try and ‘settle’ myself before I go to college in September, and then when I come back we’re moving into his Dad’s. Problem is, I am going to Liverpool on Saturday, the same day he is going on holiday for a week, and the room we’re moving into I haven’t even seen yet, never-mind inflicted with my taste in interiors. So we are a little panicky (well, he’s not, but I am panicking for us both).

Kyle and I, since we have been together, have only spent 10 days without seeing each other, and we both didn’t appreciate it very much, so a month is going to be hard, but I think we’re both looking forward to it. We need to miss each other. (And he needs to realise how much I do for him. Oh God I wish I could watch him try and keep up with all the shopping, washing, ironing etc. It would be so gratifying). So that is that very vaguely explained (which is what we all want because I’m already on 850 words).

Right, what else... When I go back to Liverpool you will no longer have to suffer with these self-indulgent, seriously poorly structured and irrelevant posts, because I will have a camera. It is also going to help that there is actually shops. Oh fuck I can’t even tell you how animated I am every time I think of the shops. Until you move to a small town, you will never fully appreciate the need for hundreds of corner shops, or a local H&M. So basically, it will be what you signed up for, rather than ‘what is this girl on about? Why is she posting essays?’. Which should be good.


Now for a more relevant update. The Purse, Podge and Pores detox is actually going really well. Last month I got paid about £40 less, and I ended up with about 10 days at the end of the month where I didn’t have a penny- this month I have about £80 of my wages left, and I am owed £67 by friends (which I will get back-mark my words). To put this in perspective for ya, I (did) get paid £3.64 an hour (I know, you don’t have to tell me how shit that is, I already know) and I’d work about 25 hours a week on average. I have to pay for our food, toiletries, cleaning products etc. etc. (remember I live 90 miles away from my family, who can’t afford to give me any money, and that I am not a sixth-former who has a job to cater for their Thursday night partying). So I got paid £345 last month and I still have £147 left. I didn’t even realise, it wasn’t (admittedly) a conscious decision, I was just more careful this month (ie. I realised that just because I had money in my bank doesn’t mean it’s limitless). I have also had that horribly expensive night in the Malmasion, and went to the RiverIsland sale, and generally been a lot more socially active this month. And to top it off, it's payday on Friday, and I am going to get about £100 more than last month, (and going home means I get free food, which is going to taste so much better). I am genuinely so proud of myself.

Since I started drinking more water, and moisturising every night, my skin has almost completely cleared up. It is so much better. Even Kyle has noticed. It was really so much easier than I thought.

Now regarding the ‘podge’, I have been tackling it, but it is more to do with the fact I have completely lost my appetite so have only been eating to stop myself from feeling weak. (I intend to do a separate post about this).



Now, thanks to all you sexy people, my technique of saving for a camera has allowed me so far to save £17.50 (which is in cash, so is in addition to my amazing money saving).
Luckily for you all, that’s all I can think of. If you have read all of this, you are either mental, or an extrememly lovely person, and you should comment so that I know who has suffered because of this tremendously word-heavy post. (I promise as soon as I get home there will be photos!). Lots of love.

LISTENING TO: Louder than Bombs- The Smiths